Wouldn’t it be great if we could connect with someone, build deep connections and rapport, both on a conscious and unconscious level?
Is it possible to build trust with someone using the subconscious mind? This occurs every day in the world of personal relationships, television, and social media, among others. Isn’t it time we discovered how we are persuaded and how we can use this to persuade others?
Ready? Take notes…
P – F- D – I
Write that down.
First, is Proximity.
Proximity is nearness in space, time, or relationship. We will discuss physical space here as a measure of nearness. What does proximity have to do with rapport? A lot. More on that in a few…
Next, is Frequency.
Frequency is simply how frequently something occurs. In rapport, it is literally how many times, in a certain period of time, they see or hear about you. More on that in a few as well….
Now, the third key to unconscious rapport is duration. When it comes to frequency and proximity, how long are they aware of you – in different intervals? You guessed it, more on that in a few…
Last but not least, relevance, or intimacy, is the key to creating unconscious rapport. This is the most powerful of the four keys, and we will explain it in the following moments.
The recruiting company Demetrius works for here in North Carolina compensates him for bringing top talent to his clients. In fact, Demetrius is required to build rapport with the company that is seeking to hire someone, as well as building rapport with the prospect, which is a skill that requires the highest level of skill.
Demetrius hired us and began to use our Unconscious Trust Code™ and began at least 30 days before a face-to-face meeting with the parties. Now, do you need to spend 30 days building rapport before any interaction?
Maybe, or maybe not. Let’s dive in and I’ll share more with you.
This technique was taught to me over the years from a number of mentors, and I have adapted it over the years. Despite being unsure of the original source of this knowledge, the response in our business and the businesses of our clients has been incredible.
As a result of following our Unconscious Trust Code, Demetrius developed rapport by gaining understanding, then applying proximity. Recruiting Hector, a systems analyst employed by a local pharmaceutical company, was the goal. The previous attempts to recruit Hector had been unsuccessful, yet his qualifications and ability to lead teams made him a valuable prospect.
The first rung on the ladder to rapport is gaining ‘face time’ and proximity to the prospect. This truly means getting rapport by either being physically close to Hector, or seeming physically close. So, actually being close was one step, appearing close is yet another.
If the following example sounds creepy or a little invasive, I get it. However, this is also exactly why Demetrius was able to successfully recruit Hector, when no one else was able to do so, and bring Hector in at a lower salary than they were prepared to offer initially. As a matter of fact, the salary savings exceeded Demetrius’ charge.
Proximity to the client or in this case, the prospect. A quick Facebook scroll through Hector’s profile showed that he was a regular user of a local gym, and because of all the sweaty bulging traps photos, Demetrius also knew about when he worked out. Consequently, Demetrius also picked up a gym membership at the same location.
Now, did he immediately walk up to Hector and introduce himself during the middle of a squat session? No. In fact, Demetrius NEVER introduced himself to Hector in the gym. In fact, he never even made eye contact or said ‘hello’.
It is impossible for your eyes and mind to miss anything in your field of vision. Our mind unconsciously recognizes and sorts so many things when we ‘see’ them. Most of the information we absorb through our eyes is processed unconsciously, and we never become aware of it or use it consciously.
Even if Hector just notices Demetrius unconsciously, the mind does two things. First, the mind recognizes every person, even if the person does not react to you. Secondly, and most importantly, the unconscious mind will now build a pattern of ‘recognizing’ this person is ‘not a threat’.
Anytime we meet someone the mind instantly and unconsciously looks for ‘patterns’ and determines if the person is a threat or not.
Demetrius spent a few days of unconscious distant proximity by simply running on the treadmill while Hector slung plates around the gym.
How many times have you met someone and thought to yourself, “where have I seen them before?” Most likely, you saw them somewhere in the past, and your unconscious recognizes them even when you don’t ‘consciously’. It happens naturally, so we helped Demetrius manufacture that feeling by design.
Unconsciously noticed, and then unconsciously labeled as ‘safe’. This was very powerful, and Demetrius dropped a few pounds of weight too. Win-Win.
Frequency matters. We advised Demetrius to show up at the gym twice per week over a three-week period and to note this again, never make eye-to-eye contact or say hello. During this stage, we’re trying to create unconscious trust and rapport by creating that, “I have seen you somewhere before” feeling with the other party.
The brain looks for patterns and assigns them. If Hector ‘sees’ Demetrius once and there was ‘no threat’ then it is noted by the mind. However, once it has ‘seen’ Demetrius a multitude of times as clearly ‘no threat’ – then it will assign the pattern by creating an unconscious folder for Hector. This is a folder we will ‘open’ when they meet eye-to-eye at a later meeting.
The technique is used every single day by different political and other organizations through social media and news outlets. Once you see how powerful it truly is, there is no closing your eyes to the world of persuasion around you. This will be the subject of our future book, as well as our private coaching sessions.
Consider the duration of time people have seen you or your products when considering frequency and proximity.
It’s important to consider how you consume information, as well as how often you spend time with other people, especially those you naturally trust.
Take a look at some of the biggest influencers of today. They usually have everything from sixty-second video segments to podcasts and audio formats ranging from a few minutes to several hours. We absorb their information by reading articles, reading books, or attending conferences. Interactions and consumption of different amounts of time will help tell the unconscious mind that the person is safe and/or relatable.
Now, when Demetrius finally met Hector face-to-face in a formal sense, he made sure to supply Hector with various ways to consume more information about the company and offer. This was crafted out with a lot of precision and each interaction had a definite purpose.
So, for business owners, how do you get the relevant information in different amounts of duration?
As we mentioned above, consider podcast episodes, videos of varying length, face-to-face encounters, etc.
Last, but certainly not least, is relevance.
In addition to building rapport quickly, relevance seems to act as a glue that binds all of the other aspects of the process together. One of my mentors likes to reframe the word ‘relevance’ and calls it ‘intimacy’ because of the warmth it creates through the connections.
Are you connecting with people in a way that is relevant, and are you delivering a message that clearly displays that you and your message is relevant to their needs and their desires?
If you are selling life insurance? Then who would find you and your message relevant to them and their needs in their life now?
Have you been single for a while and are you looking for a relationship? If you’re on the lookout for love, who would you find relevant? What criteria would you use to determine whether someone is worth your time and attention? In this case, what criteria are they using to measure you?
In a more personal sense, you could replace the word relevance with the word intimacy. Intimacy is not necessarily sexual in nature – but intimacy is a powerful connection that can be measured by levels of emotion.
So, focusing on the proximity, frequency, duration, and relevance may sound like a lot of work, yes?
Well, it is. At the same time, being able to influence and lead Hector was worth every single dime and every moment of time.
Do you need months of manipulating time, location, and frequency to build unconscious rapport? No, not always. However, if you find yourself in a situation as before, then you now have the blueprint.