You can learn from basically anyone… and this lesson from decades ago is proof…
Hope you enjoy!
Now, it’s not that he is unknown as much as I truly forgot his name after two decades. Yet, I will never forget the valuable lessons that he shared with me after one of his mind-blowing performances.
During his presentation I watched in total awe and amazement as this funny talking (strong accent) thin man placed person after person into a trance and shifted their reality. I was watching people forget their own name, finding themselves ‘glued’ to the chair, and sharing personal information they should never share in a group of strangers!
At this point I had extensively studied neuro-linguistic programming, behavioral psychology, and hypnotherapy for years. But, at this moment I witnessed something nearly unbelievable for over 2 hours.
My straight-line to the hypnotist began the moment the show ended. “Hello, I’m Wayne Sutton”, I said, reaching out my hand, “and if you’ll give me 10 minutes I’ll pay you very respectfully for your time.”
After shaking my hand, he agreed to step away from the noisy crowd and talk with me. The ten-minute coaching session I had requested actually went much longer in time, and the information that he gave to me was unbelievable. And yes, you will hear it ALL in this series.
“Dwayne, why do you want to learn to do what I do?”
Yes, he called me Dwayne instead of Wayne, but hey I can’t remember his name either now so it’s all fair.
I explained that I was on a mission to learn and apply the power of the mind, to better influence myself, and then others.
I spent quite a few moments sharing my heart and my dreams, and it became quite emotional at times. All the while, the hypnotist just kind of stared at me with confusion.
“Dwayne, I learned this skillset to make a lot of money and meet some hot women”, he laughed, “It sounds like you have much bigger goals, so let me share a few thoughts that may help you.”
Now among all of the many lessons that he shared with me, I want to share one of the most important lessons here and we will unpack the other secrets through our journey together.
First, he began sharing how authority opens the door to influence. And then after the crowd of the bar diminished he actually showed me how true influence begins… inside of our own mind.
“Dwayne, what a person expects to occur, usually does”,he laughed.
Then with eyes that pierced my soul he smiled just a little, “the key is to inspire and lead what they expect to happen!”
The bar napkin was full of notes so I used the back of an ATM receipt to continue writing out his thoughts.
Welcome to the edited version, along with the experience of counseling, coaching, and persuading thousands of people since that night in Raleigh.
“Whether by a mysterious law of attraction, or a distorted viewpoint of actual reality, people usually obtain exactly what they expect in life.” – author
You will hear these words in this book and when you apply this reality to your life you can naturally begin to see your life more clearly.
Likewise, you will hold the power to shift how other people see their current reality and yes even their future self.
So, let’s begin this chronicle with a quick explanation so that you can apply this revelation throughout our time together, fair enough?
If someone has a primarily melancholy temperament and expects people to be ‘rude’ when they go into a meeting, they will usually experience (at least in their own mind) the rudeness of others.
They often generalize others as rude, and their expectation becomes reality. Generalization is where they take a particular experience and apply it generically to a multitude of other situations. This can be noticed in the language of ourselves and others.
Some words to listen for?
“Everyone is against me… I always fail… It’s impossible to…”
Now, since we are talking about influence, where in your life have you used these generalizations?
Where have you possibly limited your own belief system and thus your reality by using such broad generalizations?
One method to help you become more attentive to this language and help yourself overcome it, is to question the generalization itself.
“Everyone is against me…” – Everyone?
“They are always rude to me…” – Always?
“I have never been able to get ahead…” – Never?
If you had to say, who is not against you, but actually for you?
Instead of seeing them as rude, can you think back to a time when they were pleasant towards you?
When have you prospered and actually made progress?
Question the generalization and you begin to show yourself the closed-minded beliefs that could be limiting your success.
The next area we are going to look at is DELETION, where details are deleted as the observer chooses what to focus on.
“He’s a failure…”
“She rejected me…”
“They are bad people…”
Some words to listen for?
Notice the instances where a verb has been transformed into a noun such as ‘failing at’ has suddenly become ‘failure’. Notice verbs that require clarification, and words that require an opposite such as good/bad, cold/hot, or happy/sad.
Finally, notice non-specific references to people or things such as ‘those people’ or ‘they’ – when the non-specific allows them to delete all except that which they choose to notice or believe.
“He’s a failure…” – How did he fail exactly? According to whom did he fail? Has he not succeeded in some area?
“She rejected me…” – What did she do that you are calling rejection?
“They are bad people…” – Who are they? In what action do they seem bad? What areas of their life can you see goodness?
This applies to your own language and point of view as well. Where have you deleted other facts and viewpoints to make your own case? As you notice your own places of deletion it will allow you to open your own mind up to see many possibilities already in front of you.
Finally, let’s take a look at probably the most common form of self-deception which is called distortion.
Distortion is when a person distorts something to mean something it was not intended to mean originally.
“He never calls me throughout the day so he doesn’t think of me…”
“I know that you don’t support my business ideas…”
“It is obvious that you are not in agreement…”
Words to listen for?
Listen for statements that don’t make sense, where the conclusion stated in the second part is based on the meaning attached in the first part.
Also, look for statements which one thing causes another, and statements that suggest mind-reading.
“He never calls me throughout the day so he doesn’t think of me…” – In what way does not calling you mean that he doesn’t love you? In what ways does he show you that he loves you?
“I know that you don’t support my business ideas…” – How do you know that? What tells you that? Are you truly able to read my mind?
“It is obvious that you are not in agreement…” – Based upon what? In agreement on what part of the discussion?
Generalizations, Deletion, Distortion, O’ My!
Language is powerful my friend, and this obviously includes our own inner voice. I invite you to notice your language and see how it could be sabotaging yourself.
Back to the hypnotist…
When people have a generalization of HOW hypnosis ‘should’ look, when they delete the misunderstandings of hypnotic trance and the environment, and finally when they distort their own reality of what’s possible for a few moments… hypnotic trance and transformation is easy!
In short, people had an image in their minds of what hypnosis should look like, and most of the time, they fell right into that image.
And, we do the same in every area of life.
How does this relate to sales and persuasion? Well…
**Excerpt from our upcoming book, Thanks for following.